Pickleball wars escalate to unexpected heights

Brace yourselves, pickleball people of the world, as today’s news blog gathers the full range of human emotion.

From “that’s beautiful” and “heck yeah!” to “what the actual---this is PG so I’m not saying it”, I present to you pickleball news so fresh they came straight out of Whole Foods.

• Pickleball wars escalate to unexpected heights (or lows!)

• Parris Todd And Hunter Johnson should led others win a bit

• Pickleball saves the world once again! This time with Smart Bellies

Pickleball haters accuse players of bullying children

Well, I’m angry.

I understand the people who can’t stand the noise, but there’s no need for over-the-top accusations, especially involving children, or, as I like to call them: pickleball prospects.

This fight in Arlington County initiated with regular complaints and quickly escalated when the Walter Reed Neighborhood Group (according to their Whatsapp group) handed about 600 flyers to residents.

Here’s what those flyers say:

• Pickleball players are bullying kids

• Pickleball players are involved in public urination on the playground and sensory garden.

Ugh. Here’s what future flyers might say:

• Pickleball is behind Flat Earth

• Pickleball invented COVID

• Pickleball knows the true age of DiCaprio’s girlfriends

The flyers don’t offer much more detail about the accusations, so for now, let’s play some blues, meditate for 10 minutes and chill.

Deep breath in…and out.

Pickleball wants to end hunger, one ball at a time

In early February, the Summit County Pickleball Association hosted an indoor tournament to benefit the nonprofit Smart Bellies, which increases access to healthy food options on the weekends. And as I say every time I watch a video of a dog singing along to Frank Ocean:

That’s just…beautiful.

The tournament lasted more than 97% of my relationships (two days), saw 70 players and collected over $10,000 for Smart Bellies. Assistants agree that the vibe was “upbeat” and “positive” and sometimes even “sexy”. I’d prefer they stop asking angsty teenagers so we wouldn’t get that answer, but hey..Pickleball in itself is a good cause. Pair it with a social initiative and it somehow becomes even better!

APP Daytona Open has its New Royals

Over 1100 pros and amateurs competed in the Association of Pickleball Professionals Daytona Beach Open. It was massive and spectacular, the pickleball tournament equivalent to Top Gun Maverick. Yes included the movie reference ‘cause we are in Oscar’s Season.

And among all those players, Parris Todd And Hunter Johnson crowned themselves the best. Hunter conquered Men’s Pro Singles after beating his own brother in the final (mom was torn)…in a tie-breaker! An incredible game that ended 15-13.

On the other hand, Todd crushed #1 Salome Devidze to win the Women’s Pro Singles. She’s technically still #2 on the APP…but not really.

Though Todd and Johnson later lost the Mixed Pro Doubles final against Bobbi Oshiro and Brendon Long, we still gotta bow for them. They rose as the King and Queen…

And I’m just hoping they make me a knight.